Was run over by a horse
Was killed in a tragic barbershop accident
Shuffled off this mortal coil
Was hit by a stray ballista bolt and exploded like a vat of beef stroganoff
Was launched into the next county when a practical joke went wrong
Was drafted into service as trebuchet ammunition by the king
Pooped themselves to death after eating bad fish
Was kicked in the head by a rampaging squirrel until they died
Had their face eaten off by wild rabbits
Smothered to death under gifts of cloaks and hats showered upon them
Was devoured by dogs after smearing themselves with peanut butter
Was killed by a tortoise dropped by an eagle
Tried to prove they were immortal by leaping into an active volcano
Choked to death on an unripe grape
Died of suffocation after reading aloud a lengthy monologue
Attempted to kill the Red Dragon from the inside...
Was ACTUALLY sawed in half by an incompetent Magician
Ate too many lampreys - against the advice of physicians
Was accidentally rolled in a carpet, and then trampled by horses
Died laughing at their own bad jokes
Accidentally stabbed themselves while demonstrating how someone else had died
Was found in a bathtub with their kidneys removed
Tried to pet a rabid badger...
Broke their neck when their fancy scarf caught on the wheel of a cart
Was crushed under the collapse of a giant cactus
Died of dysentery
Got lost trying to find a trail to a mytical land called 'Oregon'
Was violently decapitated in the process of cooking chicken soup
Fell to their death while demonstrating new unbreakable security windows
Died from injuries caused by anal sex with a stallion
Suffocated after their head became stuck down a rabbit hole
Was attacked and killed by a pet deer
Drowned when the local brewery collapsed and spilled suds into the street
Ate themselves to death after becoming trapped in a vat of creamed corn
Was swarmed and devoured by a rampaging pack of hamsters
Was turned into a newt after making fun of a local fortune teller
Impaled themselves on a turnip
Choked to death on a ham sandwich
Got sepsis from an injury sustained from an overly sharp rutabaga
Had a heart attack after being surprised by a mime
Was crushed under the weight of their enormous prized squash
Ended up encased in a giant wheel of cheese
Discovered the wonders of something called 'Gunpowder'
Was a patron of a kissing booth run by Zombies
Paged their Sysop at 3am
Went hunting with a former US Vice President
Had 'tea' with the Russian President
Forgot the words to a popular shanty in an infamously rough pub
Died
Sailed all seven seas... WITHOUT a boat!
Passed away from a particulary acute case of Nostalgia
Attempted to cut their own hair with a guillotine
Tried to put a jaunty hat on an angry wolverine
Well... wasn't it YOU who killed them?
Lost a knife fight with a one eyed sheep
Asked a vampire for a neck massage
Made too much noise in Conan's Library
Ate an entire box of Tide pods
Drank a Leper's used bathwater
Went swimming less than 30 minutes after eating
Tragically brought a trumpet to a tuba fight
Ran away to join the circus
Still believes they are a chicken after a hypnotism show
